I think a lot of time and effort is wasted in figuring out what’s what. While we look for the things we need to be grounded in, or the spaces where we need to be philosophical, we let ourselves wander, waiting for those internal logics to be properly addressed.
I think, and I think, to bring down these absolute logics to a single point. I try to make out what has been the single most important factor holding me down. The outcomes make it crystal clear: I am being held by no one other than myself, and I am the only one who has been pulling myself up. This means there is a constant fight within me, which is a friction against a rather already conclusive point. It whispers that I am going to lose.
We try desperately to see the future with tangible results, but a modern existence often traps us in a loop of isolation. I look around and find myself stuck on a day-to-day basis where a computer screen, a TV screen, and a mobile screen shape the boundaries of my life while I remain anchored in these heavy logics. There is no response from the other side of the world. I send out signals, and all I receive back is indifference. It makes one feel discouraged and disappointed. When disappointment becomes a constant companion, you simply don’t know what to do about it.
No matter how much we try to numb it or try to figure it all out in our heads, there remains an impending status quo that seems impossible to escape. We reach a point in our lives after so much struggle that we just cannot think of ever starting again. I am happy to have reached a place of stability, and I am grateful a crore times to the almighty and to myself for surviving it. But there is a burning need to move on. This is the time, and I can feel it in my bones. Yet, the fear remains that attempting a change will only lead back to where it all started, simply because nothing seems to be moving in my favour.
We try to execute strategic decisions to elevate our lives, investing months into transitions that should theoretically take a week, only for the practical outcomes to fall short of expectations. The reality of high expenses, rent, and the material baseline of life can quickly erode the ambitions we hold in our heads. We resort back to where we started, perhaps with a minor increase, fighting the bitter pill of underperformance because the external world refuses to mirror the star we feel we are within our own minds. Despite our experience and internal drive, the market and the world offer outcomes that feel entirely mismatched with our capacity.
We find ourselves back to engaging in multiple layers of logics, only trying to figure out a single opening from where we can bounce back to the real world, where we sense a real world is happening and we are definitely meant to be a part of it. This means altering the status quo from a point where nothing feels like it is going in our direction to a point where at least some things begin to move.
It is very simple and incredibly complex at the same time. When you have climbed up from a difficult place, you cannot easily let go of what you have built. There is a constant fear that it will all slip away because historically, nothing really stayed while we waited and worked hard for what really makes us human.
