Right around there are the corridors of power, success, money and status. Things have happened long ago that make up the whole part of who he is. He is that one person who is at least talking about it, thinking about it, sensing it, and wanting to change, but he simply hasn’t done any of it. Based on present reality, he is nowhere. Based on present reality, it all mocks him and laughs at him. Yet he is happy here, because at least he has made it this far.
He knows he has made it this far while the road hasn’t been easy for him. There were some people, a few right decisions, a wake of destiny at times, sheer confidence, sheer luck, or maybe all of it combined in a way that neutralised the worst of the world and saved him. He is happy and contented. He can talk at length about where he has been and the times he stumbled. Something did work, and that’s why he is here. That’s why he can think, why he can believe, and why he can move. That’s why he feels it in his bones that it’s time to challenge the status quo, because while he is thankful for its protection, the status quo can’t stay forever and must move positively in his direction.
He is a player who has known wins and losses. He has seen opportunities close where the prize was taken by someone wiser, richer, or smarter, and he has seen them closed by someone foolish or unprepared. He has seen so many outcomes turn against what he expected, yet never has he built a position where the highest rewards or the most sought-after recognition simply gravitate toward him.
Still, he catches himself calculating. He evaluates opportunities and people through a filter of distant expectations, debating whether something is worth engaging with before he has even tested it. Meanwhile, his finest ideas and deep intentions lie forgotten in the noise of the world. They were appreciated for a moment, but quickly set aside. His yearnings lie unaddressed while he contents himself by imagining entire futures off the smallest hint of validation, all while calling himself the master observer, the master creator, the master believer, and the master achiever who has seen it all.
It all happens concurrently while he has years of unattended business with people and power. He loses track of it, claiming that he will one day rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done. He wonders if others think so deeply, but what is the use when he chooses to remain in the shadows? He calls himself a crusader, but he fears the spotlight, even as he craves the stage of success.
He plays both sides, the fool and the thinker, while the world spares him comfort, safety, and time for his loneliness and writing. He asks for more from the world without playing the game properly, using his writing as a vent while time simply passes.
What is more brutal? He senses he has got a lot more to do, and his peers sense it too. He seems to have lost his bets, yet holds a decent living. But he demands more from himself. More promises are supposed to be made, and some may be broken, but at least there should be promises. Those promises will decide the choices he makes that will forge a better person out of him. He wants to be better, he could do better, and though he hasn’t got what he needed yet, he will get what he needed.
