A year has elapsed, and in this peacetime life has newly dawned like a fresh crop of the season,
An old season when everything was done and dusted, eagerly accepted and interestingly followed.
Careful about reminiscing it all, it will come back, it always has, while trying to make some sense,
Where I see the walls created to keep me safe, I’ve left myself trying to calm it all down.
I always sought this place, an alternate to what could be from the start to the destination,
Some of a little distance, even some inches away, so that I just don’t reach where I ought to be.
So that I can take place and rest and sweep some time away from what couldn’t be mine else,
So I can be what I was going to be, as I was becoming as I was going to the set destination.
Some logic, some despicable decision, a collapse from people who would want me to be,
That I just be on the side where one is wrong, disgusting, a liar and an unwanted.
I’ve become one, living it all just as I thought it would be, plain and simple,
Didn’t know wishes like these do come through, the ones like these, a colossal relapse.
It’s good to be here, this moment I found out, only to realise that I can’t go back,
No matter how much I would wish, I would try, there won’t be any way back to where I belong.
Have I accepted this fact? Of course, just as I would accept me as the one who is there,
As I say, a year has elapsed, it is indeed the outcome from the event that rouse from all of this.
Some logic, some believable decision, a true acceptance from whatever it is now, is now needed no more,
I’m free to get on the vehicle I stopped to see this all, I’m ready to kick it start and bring movement to it.
To resume but not the way I would usually have without seeing all that I’ve necessarily seen,
To somehow I would have usually ended up being, like everyone else around me did and will always do.
First, I’m ready to take off, now that I’ve gathered the necessary material and have possibly started rewiring all of it,
All of what’s been learnt, all of what is unlearnt, all of everything is now burnt and given new set of partition with fresh format.
“It” has been all beautiful and worst, I wish not to make a wish so “waste”, a simple word I have the audacity to denote,
For “everything” that was has left the dilapidated shanties, “all” of it have finally accepted to get lost, once and for all.
A year? No! I can’t reminiscence when, how and why, nor I do have fancy format to play the thoughts to you that now I have,
A freedom yet stuck within what’s around me even now in all its glory with plenty to disguise yet to follow.
And, while now, I see it all, it makes sense, “all” of it, right from some unfaithful beginning for some unfaithful lesson,
For people, places and realities that I’ve been though and left me all the more surprised than the utmost failure would have been.
I feel it could be the top of me right now, yet I live within all of it, yet pending to take itself all away,
With all of my disgust still pending to seen by those who would actually consider it divine.
Not in some time way beyond from what it is now, but somewhere closer than what I think is worthful,
And at a time where I could really do something and that would really create some meaning.
Nowhere to go, nothing to do follows, a whole afternoon in the lap of elapsing time with all its dark,
Eyes wide close unwilling to proceed to places they follow, each day, every moment.
I’m surprised as to how can all of it be still counted on actual dates listed on the calendar,
With actual of my age being the victim of nothingness that have replaced “everything”.
From what I know, there are things, people, places, ideas, all of it pending for me to take,
I put that out in the open for all of them including me to see that once I was here, still taking it all.
I leave all of it literally on the piece of some packets scattered endless on this virtual space,
With one click can I come here, and rewind it all and be happy for everything that is, will be.
Cut short to this, something will there be when I finalise and showcase it, like I so desired, I feel so relieved,
But something as I said will be, is somehow bound to stay and now, somehow bound to change.
As strong and on top as I ever could be, even if I continue to be the still I think I’m into,
Not some rush of illusion, altogether a clean wash of everything, I need to be where I belong.
A year has elapsed, a year with love,
A new dawn has come, this time for me.
It’s here to stay, it’s big this time,
Goodnight and have sweet dreams.